Brewer Chronicles - HOUSE OF LEARNING

 

Our Walnut Ridge farm had no running water (Dad said you had to run for it). As a result, we had a little shack many yards from the house for support. Although many feel that is unfortunate, this provided many areas of enlightenment that others don’t get:

 

1.       CREATURE SANCTUARY More than once, I had to wait for a snake to complete their search for a rodent. Rodents are infrequent users of the facility, but can provide a laxative effect when they do. Always check for spiders before planting yourself over that hole. Be careful that you don’t disturb the wasps.

2.       NOT A PLACE TO SPEND UNNECESSARY TIME Winters can be brutal when the chimney effect when the North wind creates frost on your butt. Snow makes it difficult to open the door. Stifling summer heat amplifies odors and gives you good training for holding your breath under water. Night time cut the time in all seasons and weather.

3.       THEY MAKE GOOD TARGETS FOR GRENADE THROWING TRAINING When green apples achieve similar size, lobbing them onto the tin roof gives you realistic sounds.

4.       DON’T LOB APPLES WHEN DAD IS PARTAKING Unless you want to expand your vocabulary with words you can’t use.

5.       SEARS ROEBUCK CONTRIBUTED GREATLY TO RURAL CULTURE Their catalogue were welcome with open hands. Not only did they provide the precursor to Amazon, but they were fixtures in the outhouse. The index pages were favored and disappeared first (Rumor has it that someone broke into the Salem Sears Catalogue store and stole all of the index pages). The catalogue provided a peek into items available only to others. The seasons were measured by the remaining pages. Many young boys have an unexplained penchant for girdles. Their replacement with tidy rolls of tissue paper marked the end of an era. That coincided with the addition of a light bulb.

6.       THEY ARE ENGINEERING MARVELS Although they different greatly in looks, their basic design is rather universal. The major category is defined by the number of holes. Ours was the deluxe style with TWO holes. I always wondered how many people enjoyed the shared experience. It was several years before I noticed they differed in SIZE. Our family prided in using only the smaller one.

 

I suspect that there are some that use the ‘privy’. Consider themselves lucky.